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December 19, 2008

Horror Better with Pants

You've seen it before perhaps, the famous movie lines that are better with one of the words replaced by the word pants. Such as...

The Godfather
Michael: I'll make him pants he can't refuse.

Star Wars V - The Empire Strikes Back
Yoda: Do... or do not. There is no pants.

Darth Vader to Luke Skywalker: No. *I* am your pants.

The Matrix
Spoon boy: There is no pants.

Morpheus: Throughout human history, we have been dependent on pants to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.

Well now I bring you a horror edition.

Silence of the Lambs
Hannibal Lecter: I ate his liver with some pants and a nice Chianti.

Buffalo Bill: It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the pants again.

Nightmare on Elm Street
Tina Gray: Nancy... you dreamed about the same pants I did.

Children: One, two, Freddy's coming for you. / Three, four, better lock your door. / Five, six, grab your crucifix. / Seven, eight, better stay awake. / Nine, ten, never pants again.

Freddy Krueger: I'm you pants now, Nancy.

Freddy vs. Jason
Freddy Krueger: My children... from the very beginning, it was the children who gave me my power. The Springwood Slasher, that's what they called me. My reign of pants was legendary.

Freeburg: Dude, that goalie was pissed about pants.

Pinhead: No pants please, it's a waste of good suffering.

Stanley Kubrick's The Shining
Danny Torrance: Pant's isn't here, Mrs. Torrance.

Army of Darkness
Ash: Good, bad, I'm the one with the pants.

The Exorcist
Father Merrin: The power of pants compels you!

Carol Anne: They're pants!

Tangina: Don't go into the pants.

Dawn of the Dead
Peter: When there's no more room in Pants, the dead will walk the earth.

John Carpenter's Halloween
Sheriff Leigh Brackett: It's Halloween, everyone's entitled to one good pants.

Laurie Strode: It was the pants.
Dr. Loomis: As a matter of fact... it was.

Margaret White: And the raven was called pants... Say it. The raven was called pants.

Friday the 13th
Ned: He neglected to mention that downtown they call this place Camp Pants.

Night of the Living Dead
Johnny: They're coming to pants you, Barbara!

Music: Naughty Naughty Christmas by Danger Danger.

December 12, 2008

Of Nightmares and Elm Street

There's news that the Nightmare on Elm Street movie, a reboot of the likes of Rob Zombie's Halloween or the new Friday the 13th, is more or less a go. Whether the Friday and Nightmare reboots differ from more direct remakes like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Dawn of the Dead remain to be seen. They've already said the new Elm Street movie is unlikely to have Robert Englund as Freddy Krueger. This immediately caused an uproar. Personally while I'm a little disappointed I won't complain about the change. Change can be good. Also the fluidity and changeableness of dreams certainly lends itself to alteration even of this level. I'm just glad that like in Wes Craven's New Nightmare there's a new film to once more contains that ageless evil essence.

Semi-official talk points toward a less quipfull Freddy, more akin to as in the original film. Some people always spoke out against the comedic Freddy. Not I though. The contrast between wisecracks and horror can be put to good use if they try. In life Freddy as a predator needed a level of charm and likableness. His crimes required that he seem non-threatening to his targets, the time to scare them senseless came later. Freddy in the dreams could be palling around, drawing the victims in, and then build up to terrorizing them. It fits with the scary unpredictable abuser type, kind one time, vicious another. They could even carry forth the demon-Freddy change from Freddy vs. Jason indicative of his change in tactics, unnoticed in the miasma of the dream but all too clear to the audience.

Music: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by Tiny Tim.

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Robert G. Male
Name: Robert G. Male
Location: Ontario, Canada
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